You know when you’re in a store and hear a child screaming at the top of their lungs? You roll your eyes and think, why can’t their parents get that kid in line? I was part of the smug elite—until the day karma came for me.
There I was, in Zara, attempting to try on a pair of pants three sizes bigger than I normally wear (and somehow still tight, but that’s another conversation). Suddenly, a shriek pierces the air, escalating into full-blown sobs. My first thought? Whose kid is losing it? Then it dawns on me—mine.
Did I rush out of the fitting room like a hero mom? Absolutely not. I continued struggling with pants that refused to button. Because here’s the thing: nothing I did in that moment would have changed the course of Billie’s tantrum. I’ve learned quickly that once we took a hard left into toddlerhood, meltdowns have to run their course.
The Toddler Tantrum Era
I’ll start with this: I struggle with how to talk about Billie publicly and even with close family and friends. I don’t love the trend of moms calling their kids “feral” just for expressing themselves. But I also don’t subscribe to the idea that kids are perfect little angels with zero annoying qualities.
With that, let’s dive in and embrace the chaos.
A Running List of Reasons Why Billie Had a Meltdown This Week:
- We stopped her from doing something dangerous.
- We took away a “toy” that wasn’t actually a toy (TV remote, can of Poppi, my laptop).
- She didn’t want more food… until she did.
- We didn’t pour milk into a bottle fast enough.
- We refused to let her ransack a cabinet full of ceramic platters.
One day, I placed her in a chair she loves with a warm bottle of milk (also a love). She slid off the chair, collapsed onto the floor, and let out a sob so guttural it belonged in an Oscar-winning film. We laughed. The dramatics? Top-tier. No notes. She threw the bottle on the floor for extra effect, I picked it up and handed it back, and she sat back down as if nothing happened.
And scene.
We don’t go a day without a tantrum. Sometimes it’s in the morning because she doesn’t want her diaper changed. Sometimes it’s in the evening because she doesn’t want to get out of the bathtub. Sometimes it’s because we dared to serve her a meal she loved yesterday. But a tantrum is always on the horizon.
The Paradox of Toddlerhood
What’s wild is that in between tantrums, she’s happy and chill. I know there are moody kids out there, but I’m not exaggerating when I say Billie is the most pleasant and delightful little girl. The kind who smiles and waves at strangers. The kind who greets us with the biggest grin when we pick her up from daycare or get her from her crib. Her sunny disposition is precisely why the tantrums caught us so off guard.
Before this, she rarely cried. If she did, it meant something was seriously wrong or she was expressing discomfort. We took this for granted. Ha! But we’re not just walking on eggshells, bracing for the next meltdown.
Here’s how we’re approaching the toddler phase:
1. Patience
And wine. Just kidding. (Mostly.)
But truly, no one can scream forever. Eventually, she has to move on. Most tantrums last a few minutes before something else catches her attention. As long as she’s not hurting herself or anyone else, I let her ride the wave of emotion.
2. Find the Humor
Have you ever seen a toddler hurl themselves onto the floor because you wouldn’t let them play with scissors? The drama is next level. If you don’t find it funny, you’re doing this all wrong. Kids being irrational is comedy gold. And while I don’t believe in constantly laughing at my child, sometimes you just have to.
3. Remember: It’s the Only Way She Knows How to Communicate
Billie has approximation words and points like a champ, but sometimes we just don’t know what she wants. We try our best, but we’re quite literally speaking different languages. As she grows, she’ll learn to articulate her needs and regulate her emotions. Until then, tantrums are part of the package.
Final Thoughts
One thing I’ve learned in my short time as a parent is that everything is a phase. Some phases are longer than others, but nothing lasts forever. If you only focus on the negative then you miss the amazing things happening. So my advice, let the tantrum just be a moment and enjoy the ride. There’s so much to enjoy as toddler parents.
Here’s to surviving and thriving through the toddler years, mamas!
Alexa Alfonso 